Maybe I'm Not Cut Out For This
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, dykes and fags, homos and breeders. You've missed a lot. Time to play catch up.
Shortly after my last post, I broke it off with Bruh again. She just had not been treating me right, and our constant fighting coupled with some information I had received that I will touch on later was enough to make me want to end it. However as we have a dog together and I immediately exercised my visitation rights, we ended up slipping back into the old routine of togetherness. I'm wondering now if this was the right choice.
About the aforementioned information: While Bruh and I were broken up over the summer, she fucked my friend. Correction: My best friend. Betch. The girl who was supposed to be my comrade, my partner, my ally. Turns out she fucked the girl I was in love with twice and was hanging out with her and feeding her confidential information the whole time, including the fact that I was pretty regularly seeing the Virginian while Bruh and I were broken up. This intelligence was relayed to me at 3:30AM by a coked out, hysterically crying Betch while I was sleeping over at Bruh's house. Three days before my birthday. Not only did they have sex behind my back, they lied about it continuously. Needless to say, Betch and I are not so close these days, despite her begging forgiveness and me granting it. I forgive her- but I don't want friends like that.
I haven't been able to trust Bruh since, either. I try to keep it inside, but it really has affected my feelings towards her. I don't feel as open with her, and I definitely care a lot less what she thinks. I don't respond as well sexually anymore either. Sex with her used to be SO HOT. Now it's not nearly as exciting, and I don't get as crazy when we go a few days without.
Another issue: I am pretty sure Bruh is transgendered. She really wants to be a man. Reasons for speculation: We met in January and started having sex in February. I have never been anything but on the receiving end. I didn't see her naked at all until mid August. I have touched her exactly once, when we were both ridiculously drunk. She dresses exactly like a man. She resists the idea of anything remotely feminine. She balked wholeheartedly at the idea of getting a blazer in the women's department. She is a member of an all lesbian organization that calls itself a FRATERNITY. What the fuck?! A fraternity, by definition, can NOT be comprised of females. And this isn't about dating a transgender- I could date a male to female, but as a lesbian, I think it's pretty clear that I don't like men. So that rules out female to male.
The point is, I'm having doubts. I wish that when I had gone to pick up my stuff that day it had been the last time I went over there with her present. I love Bruh, I really do. But I KNOW she's not right for me. And of course, there are other feminine girls that are distractions to me- namely, Dragonfly and still the Virginian. I can honestly say that I have no idea what to do.
Love,
A very confused
Sapphic Southern Belle
Shortly after my last post, I broke it off with Bruh again. She just had not been treating me right, and our constant fighting coupled with some information I had received that I will touch on later was enough to make me want to end it. However as we have a dog together and I immediately exercised my visitation rights, we ended up slipping back into the old routine of togetherness. I'm wondering now if this was the right choice.
About the aforementioned information: While Bruh and I were broken up over the summer, she fucked my friend. Correction: My best friend. Betch. The girl who was supposed to be my comrade, my partner, my ally. Turns out she fucked the girl I was in love with twice and was hanging out with her and feeding her confidential information the whole time, including the fact that I was pretty regularly seeing the Virginian while Bruh and I were broken up. This intelligence was relayed to me at 3:30AM by a coked out, hysterically crying Betch while I was sleeping over at Bruh's house. Three days before my birthday. Not only did they have sex behind my back, they lied about it continuously. Needless to say, Betch and I are not so close these days, despite her begging forgiveness and me granting it. I forgive her- but I don't want friends like that.
I haven't been able to trust Bruh since, either. I try to keep it inside, but it really has affected my feelings towards her. I don't feel as open with her, and I definitely care a lot less what she thinks. I don't respond as well sexually anymore either. Sex with her used to be SO HOT. Now it's not nearly as exciting, and I don't get as crazy when we go a few days without.
Another issue: I am pretty sure Bruh is transgendered. She really wants to be a man. Reasons for speculation: We met in January and started having sex in February. I have never been anything but on the receiving end. I didn't see her naked at all until mid August. I have touched her exactly once, when we were both ridiculously drunk. She dresses exactly like a man. She resists the idea of anything remotely feminine. She balked wholeheartedly at the idea of getting a blazer in the women's department. She is a member of an all lesbian organization that calls itself a FRATERNITY. What the fuck?! A fraternity, by definition, can NOT be comprised of females. And this isn't about dating a transgender- I could date a male to female, but as a lesbian, I think it's pretty clear that I don't like men. So that rules out female to male.
The point is, I'm having doubts. I wish that when I had gone to pick up my stuff that day it had been the last time I went over there with her present. I love Bruh, I really do. But I KNOW she's not right for me. And of course, there are other feminine girls that are distractions to me- namely, Dragonfly and still the Virginian. I can honestly say that I have no idea what to do.
Love,
A very confused
Sapphic Southern Belle
posted by sapphicsouth at
12:13 PM
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