Maybe I'm Not Cut Out For This

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, dykes and fags, homos and breeders. You've missed a lot. Time to play catch up.

Shortly after my last post, I broke it off with Bruh again. She just had not been treating me right, and our constant fighting coupled with some information I had received that I will touch on later was enough to make me want to end it. However as we have a dog together and I immediately exercised my visitation rights, we ended up slipping back into the old routine of togetherness. I'm wondering now if this was the right choice.

About the aforementioned information: While Bruh and I were broken up over the summer, she fucked my friend. Correction: My best friend. Betch. The girl who was supposed to be my comrade, my partner, my ally. Turns out she fucked the girl I was in love with twice and was hanging out with her and feeding her confidential information the whole time, including the fact that I was pretty regularly seeing the Virginian while Bruh and I were broken up. This intelligence was relayed to me at 3:30AM by a coked out, hysterically crying Betch while I was sleeping over at Bruh's house. Three days before my birthday. Not only did they have sex behind my back, they lied about it continuously. Needless to say, Betch and I are not so close these days, despite her begging forgiveness and me granting it. I forgive her- but I don't want friends like that.

I haven't been able to trust Bruh since, either. I try to keep it inside, but it really has affected my feelings towards her. I don't feel as open with her, and I definitely care a lot less what she thinks. I don't respond as well sexually anymore either. Sex with her used to be SO HOT. Now it's not nearly as exciting, and I don't get as crazy when we go a few days without.

Another issue: I am pretty sure Bruh is transgendered. She really wants to be a man. Reasons for speculation: We met in January and started having sex in February. I have never been anything but on the receiving end. I didn't see her naked at all until mid August. I have touched her exactly once, when we were both ridiculously drunk. She dresses exactly like a man. She resists the idea of anything remotely feminine. She balked wholeheartedly at the idea of getting a blazer in the women's department. She is a member of an all lesbian organization that calls itself a FRATERNITY. What the fuck?! A fraternity, by definition, can NOT be comprised of females. And this isn't about dating a transgender- I could date a male to female, but as a lesbian, I think it's pretty clear that I don't like men. So that rules out female to male.

The point is, I'm having doubts. I wish that when I had gone to pick up my stuff that day it had been the last time I went over there with her present. I love Bruh, I really do. But I KNOW she's not right for me. And of course, there are other feminine girls that are distractions to me- namely, Dragonfly and still the Virginian. I can honestly say that I have no idea what to do.

Love,

A very confused
Sapphic Southern Belle

Girls

As a professional lesbian of the greater [city that I live in] area, going to a women's college, and being one myself, I would say that it is a pretty accurate statement that I know a thing or two about girls. I'd also say that in many ways I have a distinct advantage over men who want the same thing that I do with girls- primarily, relationships, a steady stream of booty, etc. I mean after all I am privy to certain information and benefits that men just can not have. That being said, I would like to point out that despite this leg up, there are definitely disadvantages that very well may deem being a lesbian just as challenging if not moreso than being a straight man when it comes to trying to get and keep women. Not to mention keeping sane during this process.

For example, to the skeptical Y-chromosome bearing readers: Think about how your girlfriend would feel if your best friend was a girl. She may pretend to be cool with it, but on the inside, even the most confident girl would not be thrilled at the idea of you spending one-on-one time with another female of no relation to you, especially when you could be doing something else more useful, like buying her jewelry or washing her car. She will resent this friend and if you are not careful it could eventually lead to a crash and burn breakup or a deterioration of the friendship.

Now, imagine this female best friend of your is someone you have already dated, or at least slept with. Your girlfriend would be livid at the mere mention of her name. Under no circumstances would she want you to be alone with this girl. If you were ever caught alone with this girl, even if you were doing nothing more exciting than playing a thrilling round of Bingo, it would be stricken immediately as a breach of trust. Your girlfriend would pitch a fit. She might even cry. One way or another, you can be damn certain that she would pull out her pink rhinestone cell phone and call every other girl she knows to talk shit about "that bitch" and moan about how good she is to you and how you treat her like dirt, you fucking asshole. And you would be labeled as a bad boyfriend, and she and every other "independent woman" she ran her mouth to would believe this to be justified.

This situation is EVERY LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP. The lesbian community is a lot smaller than the straight one, folks, especially in the south. Chances are, if you're dating a new girl, she has already dated and/or fucked at least two of your friends, maybe more, depending on the size of your town and how long she has been out. Girls are naturally quite jealous creatures but for the sake of seeming "evolved" the lesbians try to pretend that they are past it. So what if you have had sex with every person at a party? So what if your best friend is someone you still occasionally hook up with in between relationships? This creates a conundrum, because lesbians still have all of those straight girl instincts with the calling and the moaning and the labeling of the bad girlfriend, but they have to pretend that they have overcome them for the sake of avoiding constant war at every social situation. This bottling up effect creates stress and distrust, ending many relationships and starting the vicious cycle all over again as the recently singled women go in search of their new lady lovers. The lesbian tree can only grow so far, and the branches are VERY intertwined. Lesbians pass each other around like joints at a Pink Floyd concert. By the time it gets to you, who knows how many people have had their lips on it?

I am not saying that all lesbians are promiscuous or have an inordinate amount of relationships. I think they have sex with about the same number of people and about the same many monogamous relationships as anyone else, it just so happens that everyone knows each other. Heterosexuals who live anywhere with a population of greater than 5000 have the mind-easing benefit of a certain amount of anonymity where a partner's former relationships are concerned, and they certainly don't have to see the exes out at any club they go to. There is no such thing as anonymity in the recycling plant that is homosexuality, and there are only three bars that you can hold hands in and not be refused service. What's a girl to do?

I got a little carried away on that example. The point is... dating women is a ton of work and very often a total pain in the ass, for lesbians or straight men, and yet I love them so much that I keep doing it. I'm glad I have the lifestyle and advantages that I do, but sometimes it's enough to drive me insane.

Girls. Can't live with 'em, can't REALLY live without 'em.


Love,
The Sapphic Southern Belle





P.S.- I really do love my girlfriend, this is just ranting. Though she drives me insane too.

Crazy Bitches Driving Me Crazy

I am trying to be impartial about my roommate, the notorious Lovedrug, who has proven herself to be in the last three weeks several things I had never detected in her personality before, namely up-tight, controlling, overbearing, and passive-aggressive.

As much as I love women, I hate them even more.

Christ help me.

Updates

Hello, old friends. A few updates to give you:

• Somehow, by the grace of God or otherwise, I managed to convince Bruh that she should take me back.
• I have successfully treated her wrong time and again, but I am working on getting better.
• I'm back at my private conservative women's college for at least one more year. Loving it for the time being. Lovedrug is my roommate, and Guitar Hero and Shakesqueer are my suitemates. Really couldn't ask for better living conditions.
• Bruh and I just got a dog! He's adorable. A pitbull, actually, to go with the pit-boxer mix that she already had and that I have adopted.

It's been a long time! Summer was busy for me. A few highlights: Bruh got mono, I wrecked my car, my brother got engaged, I worked at a chain restaurant, I quit working at a chain restaurant, and I drank a lot of wine. Trust me, it was busier than it sounds.

Current location: My incredibly comfortable, down-padded, pillow laden dorm bed. Current want: Sex. Lots and lots of it. It's been almost a week.

Love and glad to be back,

The Sapphic Southern Belle

Epiphany

I fucked things up pretty good this time, folks.

List of grievances filed against me in Sapphic Southern Belle v. Bruh:

1. Owning a cellular device containing text messages of a flirtatious manner sent to persons other than the plaintiff, including but not limited to requests for naked pictures of the aforesaid persons.

2. Staying out all night.

3. Blatantly lying about whereabouts whilst actually having dinner with another lesbian.

4. General bitchiness.

5. Gratuitous sexual intercourse with multiple partners during the entire duration of the plaintiff's and defendant's six month relationship.


I'll own up to all but 5. I haven't been fucking anyone while officially with Bruh. However, I can't blame her for not trusting me at this point, so I'm not even going to try to convince her that it isn't true. She's so adamant about it. She says we can't begin to deal with everything that has happened and move on from it until I've been completely upfront. Well, here's a newsflash, Bruh: I HAVE BEEN. I'm not going to make up some false infidelities to reassure her that she's right. She's never going to believe me, and I can't change that.

This relationship has taught me more than I ever thought possible. Right now I feel emotionally and mentally exhausted. The next girl that comes along, I'm going to take it slow and be completely upfront with her. It's funny to me to think that I'm not even going to try to play in the future. It's also funny to me that I'm not going to be dating anyone for a very long time. See, I don't even know anyone right now that I would be interested in dating, and even if I met someone amazing this week, I'd still want to get to know them pretty intensely before I would even consider another girlfriend. So the earliest I'd be in a relationship (and I do mean the earliest) is around October.

Biggest lesson I learned from Bruh:
You can't treat the ones you care about the way you treat the ones you don't care about, because you will lose them, and you will definitely care about that. And it will hurt like a bitch.

This marks a turning point in my life. I believe it is time for me to take a bow, because the main player has left the stage. There's a younger, less mature, and more generously endowed lesbian on the scene who coincidentally has my same given name as well as my former problems with commitment. We'll call her Betch. I think it's clear to me that I no longer have the problems I was once plagued with. She can take over where I left off.

The one and only,
The lovely and confused,
The wounded but still proud,

The Sapphic Southern Belle.

A word of advice...

Don't creep, friends.
And if you do, erase your text messages on a regular basis.

Love,
The recently single and thoroughly heartbroken
Sapphic Southern Belle

Spoke Too Soon

Do words have carbs in them? I hope not, because I'm definitely eating mine.

Not only are Bruh and I back on, we're OFFICIALLY back on. And by officially I mean she's my girlfriend, I'm her girlfriend, and I could officially get in big trouble if I hooked up with anyone else. And yesterday she told me she loved me. For the very first time. I mean, actually said the words "I love you. I do." I'm telling you, my stomach flipped like I was on a roller coaster and I couldn't help but gasp. She's signed letters "Love." She's said she has love for me. She's made other indications, both verbal and non. But I didn't think I would hear that actual three word sentence come out of her mouth for a loooooong time.

In other news, Old Faithful is no longer so faithful. She's not speaking to me. Said it's too hard to get past her feelings when she sees me dating someone else. I wish things were different. She really does mean a lot to me. But I can't sacrifice my happiness for her comfort. Time for both of us to move on, I suppose.

Love,
The Sapphic Southern Belle